Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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