the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
