she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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