I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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