I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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