what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
