You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
