I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
