I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
