I think im going to throw up on grandma
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
porn star boner night. come get it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
