next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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