i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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