Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
