..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
