My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
