you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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