Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
