mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
