i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
