Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
