In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You left your underwear on the fireplace
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
