her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
