community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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