Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
