you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
