I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
