So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
