I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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