the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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