So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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