You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
