Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
