I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
