'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
