Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
