What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
