So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
