: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
