Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
