are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
