Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
