i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
