So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
