I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
