I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
