Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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