I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
