I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
