a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
