In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
