Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
