omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
