I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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