what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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