even my farts smell like vagina
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
