Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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